then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
Randomize
