If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
