Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
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