Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
this will be a night to untag.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
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