how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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