If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
