He asked to "fluff my boner.."
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Randomize
