Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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