I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
