You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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