im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Randomize
