she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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