trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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