He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
