I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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