if i can run in heels then i can drive
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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