i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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