We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Randomize
