Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
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