He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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