i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
