worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
