If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
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