and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
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