The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
I understand Curling. That high.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
