A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Randomize
