so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
