I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
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