This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Randomize