dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
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