I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Randomize
