I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
