jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Randomize
