The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
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