I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
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