So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Randomize
