Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Randomize
