During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Randomize
