I would go down on you faster than GM stock
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Randomize
