When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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