dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Randomize