we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
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