if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
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