Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
nutella sex= disaster
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Randomize
