he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
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