Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
