i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
so let's talk penis.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
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