He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Randomize
