you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
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