rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
Green mimosas i think yes
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
Randomize
