do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
