the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
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