hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
Randomize
