i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
His nipple licking is glorious
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