we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
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