the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Randomize
