She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
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