sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize