i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
