in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
Maybe he injected his testicle?
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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