Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
Randomize
