why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
