He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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