I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
Randomize
