During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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