The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
Why is your signature on my underwear?
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
