I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
Randomize
