I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
It was a blind-side dick pic.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
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