Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Randomize
