....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
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